The Emperor’s New Clothes Sample

In the Emperor Jing Mai’s Boudoir, our two resilient Con Artists are about to show him their brand new collection of “garments”.

Jing Mai skips in, wearing a robe and a pair of fluffy slippers. Wushu and Gung Po enter and bow to him.

  

Jing Mai (Eagerly) Rumour has it you have designed yet another new outfit for me?

Wushu Even more elaborate than the last one? ‘Tis true, O Forbidden Planet!  

Jing Mai (Unsure) Yes, whatever… Oh, joy! I’ll go and get ready!

He goes behind the screen and re-emerges, this time in a rather fetching pair of pink long-johns, with matching vest or tee-shirt. He indicates the basket.

Jing Mai In here, is it? (Excited) Let me see it! Let me see it! (To Audience) I just can’t wait to try it on, you know?

Gung Po In a mo, Maj! In a mo’… (Dramatically) We have worked our fingers to the bone, both night and day, to create this veritable masterpiece! One is drained…

Wushu (Over the top) We have both ruthlessly rummaged, pursued, hunted, sought, searched, sourced and, most importantly, imported items from throughout the known World, O Celestial One!

Both Behold!

They open the basket and step back. Jing Mai peers into it.

Jing Mai Er… What is it exactly that I’m looking at?

Wushu and Gung Po giggle.

Both His Imperial Majesty jests! (To each other) Such a card, ain’t he?

Wushu Silks from Siam! Corsets from Corsica! Stockings from Stockholm!

Gung Po And you’ll never guess what we’ve got from Nicaragua!

They lift out more invisible “clothes” and flit and flutter around him, “ooh-ing” and adding more “items” onto him, ad-lib. Wushu forces him to hold out his arms, whilst Gung Po kneels to measure his inside leg.

Wushu A wee bit more of the subtly superior, satisfyingly splendiferous, sinuous silk, O Celestial One? With the gorgeously, how shall I put it? Ah, yes! The enchanting yuppie-yellow and partially-punk-puce polka-dot pattern, methinks?

He places “it” over Jing Mai’s head and steps back to admire it.  

Wushu (“Tearfully”) Ah, me! And all those desperately divine diamante dragons on your drawers too! Undie-niable… What can one say? One is moved, moved! (Getting too much for him) Sorry, Pong, but I’m filling up…

He silently “sobs”. Gung Po stands up.

Gung Po (To Wushu) Ooh! You sentimental sausage, you! (To Jing Mai) He’s always been very highly strung. Know what I mean, Maj? (Thinking) Where were we? His Imperial Highness dresses to the left, I believe?

Jing Mai Right… Left.

This confuses Gung Po.

Jing Mai (Seeing his confusion) Left, right?

He’s even more confused. They eventually help him to step into a pair of “trousers”.

Gung Po (Struggling) You’ll need to breathe in, I fear! You may find this pair a bit tight round the bum, Maj… Breathe in, there’s a dear? (Giggling) I think someone has to go on a wee diet! No more dumplings, eh?

Jing Mai giggles too. He playfully pushes Gung Po, who collides with Wushu. They recover and take out other “items”, then stand back to admire the overall picture.

Wushu (Admiringly) Ah, breathtaking! Such élégance…

Gung Po So a la mode!

Both (Gasping) OMG! Eat your heart out, Gok Wan!

SYNOPSIS         CAST